Hope’s a bitch

I think the hardest thing about this NICU stuff is that I’m always so hopeful things will go just right.

If I was pessimistic, this would be easier.  No getting my hopes up that she’d stay off CPAP (I didn’t even know her going back on the first time was an option).  Sure, she’s been off breathing support for awhile (at least in NICU terms) and hasn’t been tube feed in almost 48 hours.

They told us last night to bring in the car seat today.  And then she dropped her oxygen saturation and heart rate during a feeding.  It was just once, but it counts.

Now the clock resets for 5 days.  Unless someone is feeling generous.

Fuck this.

And I will slap the first person who tells me it’s good that she’s “where she needs to be”.